home ownership

today i became a homeowner. i signed my name on 100 pieces of paper. everyone was pretty cool at closing. my attorney told stories of his previous life as a mover and a doorman and that one should remember to tip the doormen. he said i will understand the politics of it over time.

there was a certain amount of realism in the room which was very pleasant as people were just being themselves, except for the cohran broker guy who seemed overly excited and reminded me of lebedev from 'the idiot'

after the closing everyone dispersed and went their separate ways. maybe i will see some of these people again at some point.. steve, the seller, lives in the same building. he left me a bottle of champagne in the refrigerator. i thought it was a very nice gesture. i went back to the apartment and took
pictures

then i took the train back to poughkeepsie and there finished reading 'the idiot' and what a dark, depressing ending for such a fine novel. dostoevsky together with pretty much every other russian writer and movie director really knows how to end things: leaving you with no hope for the human race. and only a few days ago i thought count mishkin would be happily married to the crazy woman forever after... who was i kidding? i wonder what dostoevsky would think if he saw shrek or some other cheese-ball production. would he lighten up or get even more depressed about the human race?

antidepressants and viagra

We became an Orwellian Society years ago, exhibit 1: the Viagra ads. The one where the automaton 50s style guy delivers a dynamo golf swing/ the one where all the fat men come leaping out of their suburban houses whooping for joy/ my personal favorite: the one where they shoot an arrow through a tire.
A lot of the antidepressants that they say everyone is on have sexual side effects. Convenient for doctors, the flunkies of the pharmaceutical companies to sell anxious, insecure men anti-depressants and then Viagra to counteract the side effects.
America wants people to be anxious and insecure because that is how you make money off people.

Club Med

My neighbor and I coincided this morning and stood waiting for the elevator together. The elevator takes a long time in the morning, and it was agonizing. I asked him about his vacation. He went to a Caribbean island. I had never heard of it. It is an island that has Club Med. In a flash I recalled an article I read about Club Med. It alleged that the staff of Club Med sexually services the guests, that they are recruited (trained?) for this purpose. Everyone in the article had STD's. The neighbor and I did not speak again on the elevator ride down.

‘O, to tell you the truth, I’m sick of my own country, sick of it!’

I loves James Joyce, I does. Bloomsday.

Bloomsday

This passage from the Dead illustrates how brutal are people with narrow political opinions they try to force on others. At least to me it does.
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‘O, Mr. Conroy, will you come for an excursion to the Aran Isles this summer? We’re going to stay there a whole month. It will be splendid out in the Atlantic. You ought to come. Mr. Clancy is coming, and Mr. Kilkelly and Kathleen Kearney. It would be splendid for Gretta too if she’d come. She’s from Connacht, isn’t she?’
‘Her people are,’ said Gabriel shortly.
‘But you will come, won’t you?’ said Miss Ivors, laying her warm hand eagerly on his arm.
‘The fact is,’ said Gabriel, ‘I have just arranged to go—’
‘Go where?’ asked Miss Ivors.
‘Well, you know, every year I go for a cycling tour with some fellows and so—’
‘But where?’ asked Miss Ivors.
‘Well, we usually go to France or Belgium or perhaps Germany,’ said Gabriel awkwardly.
‘And why do you go to France and Belgium,’ said Miss Ivors, ‘instead of visiting your own land?’
‘Well,’ said Gabriel, ‘it’s partly to keep in touch with the languages and partly for a change.’
‘And haven’t you your own language to keep in touch with—Irish?’ asked Miss Ivors.
‘Well,’ said Gabriel, ‘if it comes to that, you know, Irish is not my language.’
Their neighbours had turned to listen to the cross-examination. Gabriel glanced right and left nervously and tried to keep his good humour under the ordeal, which was making a blush invade his forehead.
‘And haven’t you your own land to visit,’ continued Miss Ivors, ‘that you know nothing of, your own people, and your own country?’
‘O, to tell you the truth,’ retorted Gabriel suddenly, ‘I’m sick of my own country, sick of it!’
‘Why?’ asked Miss Ivors.
Gabriel did not answer, for his retort had heated him.
‘Why?’ repeated Miss Ivors.
They had to go visiting together and, as he had not answered her, Miss Ivors said warmly:
‘Of course, you’ve no answer.’

Blogs are boring and exhibitionistic

The vast majority of blogs are horribly exhibitionistic, and boring for all that. Everyone wants to be a superstar these days. Value is not placed on the rich inner life. No one wants to sacrifice anything, and "ennui" is elevated to anguish. We are left with brittle wit, a la the Court of Versailles pre-French Revolution. And just as in pre-French Revolution times, there is an underclass.
Incidentally, there is a great French movie that addresses this: "Ridicule." I would provide a link to its website or something if I knew how.

co-op (continued..)

the cooperative board approved me today, i have learned. that's great news. i am moving next week i think. i need to return my car too. it will be a bit scarry without a car at first. if i was poetic i would write a poem, call it the 'total eclipse'. then there's the non-poetic, pragmatic side as well -- traversing the space between points a and b type thing. i will have to figure something out. also there's always the airplane. my grandfather was a pilot, i could learn the crafte too. either way there's definitely going to be loss of freedom especially as it relates to mobility with this move which i will just have to accept i guess. also the gas prices are too high anyway to justify driving around these days..

co-op

i had an interview with board members of my new apartment. everything is in the hands of those three lovely people now. i hope they aprove me. if not i will have climb on the roof of that building and jump off. getting into that place has been a three-month long trip and the moment of crystalization is near.

other than that nothing exciting. i read some more dostoevsky on the train ride back. i can't believe count mishkin is going to marry that crazy woman after all. who would have thought? the recurring thought in my mind as i read this book is damn dostoevsky was really ahead of his time with all the existentialist overtones.

when i was little

i had a journal that i maintained, diligently. then when i went to college my journal shriveled up. i also had a web page with life stories on it. it used to get a lot of hits. i still have a page where i publish my freelance computer projects and stuff. it would be nice to start writing again.

it's very late. i have an in indian neighbor who lives above my head. he's actually a decent character. to the best of my knowledge. notwithstanding, he makes noise through no fault of his own and that annoys me a lot.

i hate the building i live in. the apartment complex i live in is considered to be one of the nicest in poughkeepsie and yet the walls are thin as paper and i can hear everything. but i don't want to hear anything. which brings us to the exciting piece of the blog: i am moving the hell out of here. yes. i am moving to new york city, to a very nice apartment building which is made of reinforced concrete i think. in either case, even if it's not reinforced concrete, it doesn't take a rocket propelled scientist to figure out that a high rise building is made out of solid materials. solid is what we want.

my new apartment will be almost one half the size of the apartment i am leaving behind but i don't care because that is not important to me. what is important is that i will not have to deal with noise from upstairs because the apartment sits on the top floor and because the building has thicker walls.

on warm summer nights i would like to go up to the roof and just sit there and meditate..

i also want to engage with fellow humans more. i am sick of sitting here all by myself.